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Jul. 11th, 2012

It's been so long since I was on here, or used HTML in any way, that I can't remember how to make a layout. -_-;; I feel ridiculous right now. To the premade layouts, away! (At least until I can bugger out the coding again.)

Oh wow

So...I've not been on here in nearly three years. I wonder if any of my LJ-exclusive friends even remember me. I think of them constantly, and miss them terribly. Especially Aaron and Siv, who I've looked for everywhere else and can't find. *sigh*

I love you two.

Open Letter #1 (Comments screened)

To a dear friend,

I hope that I am still justified in calling you that, although it's been ages since you and I have spoken or even interacted in any way. I still miss you and think of you often, and I hope you're doing well. You certainly deserve nothing but good things.

I hope, too, that I'm not out of line in writing this, even here in my journal, which I don't even know if you read anymore. I know I rarely update it, and when I do, it's usually some moody piece of bad news that I wouldn't fault anyone with not reading. I often worry that you've long since grown tired of me and my rambling sort of affection. I don't ever mean to seem like a nagging parent, although I'm sure that at times I certainly sound like one, or worse. It's only because I love you and want the best for you. You're a sweet, smart, wonderful person who has so much to offer the world. I hope you reach that potential and that you find a life and a calling that make you as happy as you deserve.

I rarely even try to contact you now, for fear of being overbearing. I see and hear that you talk with others of our mutual acquaintance, and I assume that you avoid me by choice. If I've ever done anything to upset, offend, or alienate you, I'm very sorry. Please believe that. I only ever wanted to be a true, supportive friend to you; I want that still, if you'll have anything to do with me.

If you do end up reading this and recognizing that it's directed toward you, please comment. If you don't want anything more to do with me, just tell me and I'll never bother you again. Otherwise, please give me some sign that you do still want to be my friend, too.

Oceans of Love,


So what did I do wrong?

I don't understand why people are such asses.  Someone decided they should break into our brand new car, busting a window and scratching the paint, to steal our GPS and iPod.  They're going to get away free because the police can't be bothered to come out here and look at the car.  We had to practically fill out our own police report over the phone.  The stuff isn't covered under the car insurance because they were "loose items," and our deductible is higher than the cost of the repair, so it's all out of pocket.  So the insurance we're paying $200 a month for isn't doing us any good, and we can't even really afford to be paying that.

Meanwhile, I'm the schmuck who corrected a cashier at Target when she only rang up one of two items, paying the full amount instead of the mistaken original total.  Being good doesn't pay.  I'm too honest for my own good.

And to top all this off, we still have no jobs, Alex's unemployment was denied, we owe $10k+ on the wedding, and there are no prospects in site.  Who did we piss off in the grand cosmic scheme of things that all this is happening to us?

I hate this.  I just want to go home.


Dating StrengthsDating Weaknesses
1. Spirituality - 92.3%
2. Intelligence - 71.4%
3. Adventurousness - 58.3%
4. Sense of Humor - 57.1%
5. Friendliness - 56.3%
1. Appearance - 100%
2. Insecurity - 69.2%
3. Pessimism - 66.7%

Dating Strengths Explained
Spirituality - Your spiritual side brings you peace and balance, and keeps you grounded. This is attractive, as you can help reinforce this quality in other people.
Intelligence - Your sharp intellect is a valuable asset. Use your intelligence wisely; avoid condescension. Quiet, confident intelligence is very attractive.
Adventurousness - You are willing to try new things and be spontaneous. You want to get out there and really live, and you will attract people with a similar love of life.
Sense of Humor - Guys are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. Be sure to put yours on display!
Friendliness - Your friendliness makes you approachable and fun to be around. A wide circle of friends also works to your advantage on the dating scene.

Dating Weaknesses Explained
Appearance - Devoting a greater effort at making good first impressions is a must. Try to be fit and develop a style if you want to catch a guy's attention.
Insecurity - Your insecurity makes you doubt yourself, but you must learn to love and trust yourself if you want to succeed in dating.
Pessimism - Too much cynicism can be a turn-off. Try to see the brighter side of things and people will be attracted to your positive outlook.

Take the Dating Diversions Latest Online Dating Quiz
Please vote for my one-time roomie's gorgeous pic!  It gets him money for school, which is always good!


Meme from Cofie!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

Dreams and Meme

So I had two very strange dreams today.  The first was about my grandfather, who died in 2000.  In the dream, Nana and I went to visit him at the hospital and the doctors (two of whom were House and Cuddy), told us that there was no chance for recovery and that we should go ahead and--for lack of a better descriptor--put him to sleep.

The second dream started off in Boone.  I had randomly decided that I was going to go visit D and co, so off I go.  Then I stopped at some odd museum/fun house/gift shop combo and sneaked into the maze part (which was closed for the day).  Then I came out and the clerk saw me.  I asked where my purse was (I'd left it in the maze) and she told me it was at the front desk.  I went up to pay for the candy I'd picked up while in the maze, and saw that there were vials of perfume for sell, so I browsed those and decided on Egyptian Goddess (which is my favorite incense scent, by the by). 
Then the dream shifted gears and I was at our house in Virginia.  My grandma and her sister and my sister were there, too.  Then Brenda (my birth mother, UGH) showed up and I learned that Nana was going to give her $25k to "get her life together" or some such.  I lost my mind about that, because that's much more than Nana can afford and my mother doesn't deserve that money at all.  I said as much and told Nana that she couldn't give it to her.  Brenda got enraged at me and started throwing hatchets and knives (WTF?) at us.  I told the others to get inside and grabbed a short spear that she'd thrown.  She had a set of long garden shears and was coming at me with a maniacal look on her face, so I threw the spear--which impaled her in the lower abdomen.  So yes--I had a dream that I killed my birth mother.  WTF.

And now for something completely different...Collapse )