To a dear friend,

I hope that I am still justified in calling you that, although it's been ages since you and I have spoken or even interacted in any way. I still miss you and think of you often, and I hope you're doing well. You certainly deserve nothing but good things.

I hope, too, that I'm not out of line in writing this, even here in my journal, which I don't even know if you read anymore. I know I rarely update it, and when I do, it's usually some moody piece of bad news that I wouldn't fault anyone with not reading. I often worry that you've long since grown tired of me and my rambling sort of affection. I don't ever mean to seem like a nagging parent, although I'm sure that at times I certainly sound like one, or worse. It's only because I love you and want the best for you. You're a sweet, smart, wonderful person who has so much to offer the world. I hope you reach that potential and that you find a life and a calling that make you as happy as you deserve.

I rarely even try to contact you now, for fear of being overbearing. I see and hear that you talk with others of our mutual acquaintance, and I assume that you avoid me by choice. If I've ever done anything to upset, offend, or alienate you, I'm very sorry. Please believe that. I only ever wanted to be a true, supportive friend to you; I want that still, if you'll have anything to do with me.

If you do end up reading this and recognizing that it's directed toward you, please comment. If you don't want anything more to do with me, just tell me and I'll never bother you again. Otherwise, please give me some sign that you do still want to be my friend, too.

Oceans of Love,

Sam

In no real order:

Siv - I never talk to her anymore.  I leave her messages when her messenger is signed online, but she never replies.  I worry that I've somehow unintentionally done something to upset her, and that makes me sad.  I love talking to her, and I had hoped I'd get to go to St. Louis over Labor Day and finally meet her in real life, but it seems like she either doesn't like me anymore or...I dunno.

Aaron - The poor dear is going to work himself into a coma.  He's (as far as I'm concerned) a brilliant medical student, so that keeps him busy.   I never catch him online, so I end up having to play comment tag with him on his journal.  He's one of the sweetest and most intelligent people I've ever met, online or in real life, bar none.  I just wish he had a bit more free time.  I miss the talks we used to have on AIM.

Amy and LeeAnn - Both of whom I used to be really close to.  Then college came and they went to Chapel Hill while Lauren, Nicki, and I went to App.  I comment on their LJs once in a while, but that's really it.  It's even sadder when you consider that they both live (when not at school) less than 15 minutes from me (less than 5, actually, in LeeAnn's case).  I hope I can see them before too much longer.

Nicki - She DID go to App, but she transferred to Chapel Hill last year, so I don't talk to her nearly as much as I used to.  She ALSO lives nearby, but again...I just never see her.  Blah...

Nikki - Who always has to work.  And she's going to Florida this fall, so I'll NEVER get to see her.  *sigh*  This sucks, really.  I almost wish it were high school again, so that I could see my friends every day.